Nerd dating advice: to dance or not to dance Pt 7
I was going to talk about more specific dance moves, but honestly I think I have given you enough to work with, at least at first. Also, I have worked all day and am feeling too lazy to really do a lot of research. I’ll do more some other time, but instead I will address another issue that will come up as you dance: how long should you dance?
The short answer on this is as long as she wants to. Remember, part of dancing is showing her how viral and healthy you are, and bailing out from exhaustion before she does is not a way of communicating this idea. So unless you are seeing spots and/or losing feeling in 1/2 of your body, dance until she looks like she is ready to stop. Keep an eye on signs of tiredness from her, including slowing down, looking bored, our outright passing out. If you are about to pass out yourself and your choices are get off the dance floor or move towards the light, a good excuse is ask her if she wants another drink. If she says no prepare to meet your ancestors.
(if she starts doing the Dance of the Living Dead like these guys, it might be time to ask if she wants to sit down. Image courtesy of the zombie t shirt category).
Another interesting phenomenon that comes up is during your dancing, you will perspire, and by perspire I mean sweat profusely. This is not a bad thing. In fact, it can be very good. “Wait a minute, Dave! You told us to avoid anything that might cause us to smell of anything other than soap or deodorant!” You are correct, in most cases. However, fresh sweat is a healthy mix of pheromones that most women find intriguing. The operative word here is fresh. You know how if you stick grapes into a wooden barrel and let it ferment for a while you get a fine wine that is good and smells great? Sweat is 100% the opposite. Fresh sweat from something wholesome like dancing or working out is good. Sweat left on your body for a length of time smells like ass (literally). Again, do not take this as an excuse to not shower. Just don’t worry about it while you and she are dancing.
Another thing that should go without saying, but given the audience I am talking to needs saying, is if you have some kind of medical condition that causes your sweat to be particularly pungent (dead skunk raised on a manure pile) you should avoid dancing. Claim you have knee problems, or that the lights could cause you to pass out from flicker vertigo. Better that than exposing her to BO so bad it could be classified as a weapon of mass destruction.
Once you get the green light to stop flailing around on the dance floor (that’s unfair. I am sure you took all my advice, practiced extensively, and are now an accomplished dancer. Really) extricate yourself and your date by leading the way through the crowd back to your table (I like to pretend I am an icebreaker).
Actually, that reminds me of something really important I forgot to mention earlier. Under no circumstances should you be the only couple on the dance floor. If there is no one else on the floor you have no business being out there. That is something creepy middle aged alcoholic couples do. In fact, stay off the dance floor if it is not crowded. If you can see wall through the crowd, stay off. If your date is sane she will probably agree.
