Nerd Dating: Spotting crazy girls early pt 1
Ok, we are moving towards the big finally of 2010 when I give you my advice on when to move in and make “the move”, but before that I feel the need to help you avoid dating insane women. This is another subject I am too intimately familiar with, so you will be gleaning a lot of benefit from my pain.
Here’s the problem for guys. It’s not hard to spot a nutball when it’s another guy. It’s seems pretty obvious and you get to spend the next three months wondering what his girlfriend is doing with him. However, when a guy looks at a girl his vision is blurred by sexual desire. In other words, you can’t see her lobotomy scar because you are too distracted looking at her breasts. Even experienced daters get caught in this.
Now, this list is not definitive, nor is it conclusive. A decent girl could have a couple eccentricities that show up on this list and still make a good girlfriend. The fact is in my experience all women are insane to a greater or lesser extent (and, to be fair, all men are more or less stupid, including me. It’s the wonderful dance known as life). The trick is find one who is either sane enough to deal with or is insane in a manner that compliments your particular brand of stupidity.
So here are a list of warning signs I have seen or read about that make sense. Feel free to add to this list if you have some ideas, but I will be breaking this list up into several posts so as to milk the content and not damage anyone’s brains. By the way, to any of my female readers, if you spot any of these behaviors youself might consider hiding it until you get a guy locked in.
Here are the first few:
1. She has actually been committed to or participated in an insane asylum, rehab center, or 12 step program. Is she on serious psychotropic drugs? This should be obvious, but you would be surprised how much guys will put up with when they are horny. I had a good friend who met a hot girl and was working hard to hook it up with her. Then a bottle of Tegretol fell out of her purse. His father was a psychologist and he knew that that drug is used in the treatment of the most severe bi-polar disorders. He was going to bail out, but then his little brain took over and he slept with her. Let’s just say things restraining-order bad from there. (Imaginary Friend image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category). Just goes to show how dumb guys can be.
2. She has more than two cats. This is a subtle, but really good rule. Here’s how it works. One cat is cute. Two cats is so the first cat has someone to play with and still kind of cute. Three cats is the first step to turning into crazy cat lady. I had an ex girlfriend who had two cats, so I thought she was OK. However, her roommate also had a cat, which was three in the household. She turned out to be totally bat guano nuts.
3. She has a purse dog that she brings with her everywhere. This is totally valid in my experience. Any girl who hauls her toy poodle around (especially on a first date, which I have had happen) and lets it hang it’s head out of her ridiculous over-sized bag should have a blinking neon sign over their head reading “THIS WAY LIES MADNESS.” The pet has taken the slot in her life normally reserved for children, and given a chance to save your life or her Snookums she will without hesitancy drop you into a lake of molten lava. This rule also counts for pretty much any pet, be it cat, ferret, parrot, of something a little more exotic.
4. She collects exotic pets. As long as I am knocking out all the pet signs I might as well go into this. “Normal” pets are cats, dogs, birds, fish, small rodents, and sometimes ferrets (they are really cute). Any girl who has a fascination with and collects snakes, spider, tarantulas, frogs, or anything else bizarre she is nuts. This is something only creepy guys are into (like my friend Eric. How you doing, bud?) and when you get a girl into them I can more or less promise you she is freaky-deaky. Also, plants are very cool, but if she has more plants than furniture you could consider this a warning sigh.
That’s it. I gotta run, but will post more tomorrow.
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