Nerd Dating: Online Dating Part 1-Pros and Cons
So there’s this whole new trend towards meeting people online (welcome to 1999 Dave) and you would think that nerds would take to it like a zombie to a fresh brains buffet. However, it seems like the whole social awkwardness nerds experience in real life transmits pretty clearly online, so I think it a subject worthy of my attention.
The fact is, I am not really a fan of online dating and am not especially good at it. Fortunately my best friend is the Grand Master of Online Dating and I will be delving deep into his experience for this. I don’t know how he does it, but he can post something on any site on the planet and get inundated with responses from cool, hot girls. He has the talent. I get all the nutballs.
So I will start off with a list of pros and cons for online dating. This might take a couple posts to go through so rather than listing all the pros then all the cons I think it will be more amusing if I alternate them (since this blog is mostly for my own amusement I think this fair).
Pro: You get exposed to thousands of women across the country. Yes, this is like going to the worlds largest single party and no one has a drink to fling in your face for having the temerity for daring to speak to them.
Con: You get exposed to thousands of women across the country. If you are not particularly adept at talking to women via email and IM this could potentially be the opportunity for the ego beat down of a life time. Nothing like being rejected by hundred women a day via email to make you want to suck on your car exhaust pipe for an hour. If you are especially sensitive maybe you should limit yourself to a few a day and/or treat the whole thing like a training experience. On the other hand, if you need to build up your tolerance to rejection this could be the vehicle to make it happen.
Pro: you can mask your obvious defects. If you are grossly obese, or have a weird growth on one side of your face, or are prone to frequent and fragrant flatulence, have bad halitosis, or some other genetic or lifestyle issue you can hide it with clever photography and descriptive prose. While I don’t recommend you lie about stuff, there is a phenomenon I experience when dealing with sales people (or am doing my day job as a sales rep) known as “Finding the positive.” In other words, mention your creative streak and love of indy film in glowing terms while mentioning your Richter Scale worthy facial tic only casually, if at all.
Con: the women you are talking about can mask their obvious defects. Yes, if there is one thing I have learned with online dating, it is that all women have some photo wherein the lighting, clothing, angle, and planetary alignment is in perfect synchronicity to deliver an amazing photo. Later on I will do a post translating Internet Dating Speak into English, but you have to assume no one really looks like their photo. In my defense, I usually put up a less appealing photo in hopes that the girl will be pleasantly surprised, but it seems no one else feels compelled to do the same.
That’s it for tonight, as it is 8:30 on a Friday night and I want to pretend I have some kind of social life. I will do more pros and cons next time, although I am planning to see the Green Hornet this weekend and will probably do a review for it next.
As for our who would win question from last post, super evil biotech company Umbrella Corporation verses super evil consumer products company Omni Consumer Products, I think it would be close but in the end I would bet on OCP. The fact is a single ED209 should be able to kill about 10,000 zombies, even the upgraded ones. Headshots are not really critical when you more or less can dismember someone from a great distance. The only chance Umbrella would have would be if they could infect Robocop with the t-virus and turn him into Robozombiecop. Even then he would forget how to use his gun and would probably go down. OCP is pretty much it for me (Umbrella Corp image courtesy of the Resident Evil t shirt category).
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Eric January 15, 2011 at 12:18 am
You know, I was looking into online dating the other day, because a friend of mine is eager to find a girlfriend and his enthusiasm/need infected me. Oddly, after a night of drinking and unsuccessful attempt to talk to girls (other than ones that worked at bars who would do more than talk), mostly because there WERE no eligible girls to talk to, as now decent girl would set foot in a bar where I live, I decided to plumb the online dating world and see what I could find.
I stayed up late the next night, and then lost all interest finding it more daunting than a new computer game for which the options were unavailable and I couldn’t find the magic button to drop mines. It was just overwhelming.
I’m thinknig of holding out for the ideal cybernetic lady, and am confident Japan is working hard on just this solution. She may come with various attachments. Yes, let’s all stay single long enough to not have any biological baggage to dump when the first wave of cybernetic hotties trot off the assemply line and into the homes of the lucky few unwed males who can afford them, the attachments and accessories.
Gina January 16, 2011 at 9:59 pm
Having just been on the first semi-successful internet date I’ve had in a year, I’m feeling pretty positive about online dating at the moment, while at the same time I register the logical fallacy inherent to the situation. Truth be told, I haven’t been on ANY dates in the last year that didn’t involve the internet, and this is in spite of flirting with every male barista in the Portland area. So, as bad as my online dating life is going at any given time, my chance of meeting someone in real life is significantly worse. Therefore, online dating is key for any nerd seeking a date. Whether the dates are good is another question.
The moral of the story is, nerdy guys like you should take your word to be true, grow a pair, and ask girls out. Thanks for the good advice!