More of the Harry Potter marathon: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
So this movie adds three elements that up until now have been missing from the movies until now: actual death, hot girls, and Lord Voldemort.
I liked it, and the movies to seem to be getting more adult themed as time progresses. Again, I won’t burden you with a full on review, but will simply record my impressions and the questions that came up during the movie.
So yes, someone dies, and it warmed the cockles of my heart that it was Robert Pattinson. He already has an amazing film franchise in the truly terrible Twilight series, and does not deserve to be attached to an even bigger one. Also, he bugs me. Plus, I still feel some animosity for him for making me watch the horrible acting he did in Water for Elephants. Does he do anything but deadpan? Watching him die did wonders for me. Also, for the first time we get some hot girls on the screen. I mean, sure Hermione is cute, but she’s just a kid. When the girls in the blue outfits sauntered in, my interest level perked. And finally, after hours of everyone losing their water every time someone mentions his name in spite of the fact that he had no real powers, Lord Voldemort finally resurfaced in corporeal form and proceeds to get boondoggled by Harry Potter. If he were really as bad ass as every says shouldn’t he have killed Harry in like five seconds? I mean the kid is essentially a Freshman in high school.
Anyway, here are some questions that occurred to me while I watched this.
First off, Harry and the Weasleys all go to the Quidditch World Cup. Didn’t we establish earlier that some Quidditch games can go on for weeks if not months? How long can an audience sit there for that long? Then, the audience is pretty much filled with wizards and witches, right? Hundreds if not thousands. How do a half dozen guys in KKK hats proceed to tear their camp apart? Shouldn’t there have been several hundred magic wands pointed at them after the first few minutes? For all their magic powers the only thing all the people seemed capable of doing was running and dying. What is the point of all that training? Also, I know for a fact that there had to have been at least a few magic brooms in that camp, as it was for a Quidditch tournament. Why, then, do they all keep wanting to beat their feet?
Actually, this leads me to my next big question, one that has been on my mind for a while. Seems like Hogwarts matriculates several dozen full fledged wizards every year, and now we find out that there are other schools worldwide. The Quidditch audience seems to have a few thousand in residence as well. What, then, do all these magic users do for a living after graduation? Malfoy’s father talked about being rich from magic, but how does he do it? Maybe he uses his powers to influence the stock market, or divines lottery numbers? If they are supposed to keep their powers a secret from we mundane Muggles, what do they do exactly? What exactly is the benefit of a degree from Hogwarts? They can’t all end up 
working at the Ministry of Magic, in spite of appearances. If everyone has approximately the same powers they can’t exactly sell their services to each other, and if they can’t show them to Muggles who exactly are they getting money from? Even if they could sell services to each other, from an economic point of view that is just not a viable system. Eventually the money bleeds out. Maybe they go out and rob from supernatural creatures like the goblins, but isn’t that the thing that Dark Wizards do, which we keep hearing is a bad thing? So how do you make a living as a wizard? Why is Malfoy rich and Weasley poor? (Goblin minions image courtesy of the nerd t shirt category)
That actually leads into yet another question, which is what is up with Dark Wizards? Is being a Dark Wizard like joining the Dark Side in Star Wars? If you tread down that path will it forever taint you? Or is it something where you could do a little and sneak back? Maybe you are Dark most of the time, but donate a lot of money to charity and actively support independent coffee houses? This question has actually been growing on my mind as it is one of those things we are supposed either have read in the books or just accept without being told in any kind of detail.
What is the deal with the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and betrayal? It seems pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain that whoever they hire for that position will either betray Harry or turn out to have some dark secret. Next movie I recommend Harry just blast the Dark Arts teacher on the first day of class as a precaution. See how good he really is, and who knows? Might head off the inevitable betrayal early on. Also, I would like to point out that once again Harry and his friends completely failed to discover who the villain was until he chose to reveal himself. The Hardy boys they are not. If even one villain opted to not deliver his complete plan and identity in a megalomaniacal rant the he or she could screw with Harry for years, then possibly stick a shiv in his ear while he slept in the infirmary after his next inevitable injury.
Speaking of injury, does Dumbledore get some kind of jollies from seeing underage kids risk their lives and possibly get killed for some esoteric reason? Sure, this Tri Wizard championship might be a big deal, but you are putting your students against dragons. Big, powerful, fire breathing, and eminently pissed off. Honestly, there doesn’t seem much room for high school bullfighting or lion taming last time I checked. Then, in addition to setting the kids up to possibly drown in the Black Lake, he grabs four other completely innocent students (none of them put their names in the Goblet of Fire), knocks them out, and ties them to the bottom of a lake filled with vicious merfolk. Did their parents sign some kind of waiver form for that? I swear when I first saw them I thought they had all drowned. Also, I would like to point out that the loving cup looked very much like a cheap plastic mug laser etched with the word “Wiz” on it. Didn’t really make me think it was thousands of years old.
For that matter, Harry is now in his fourth year, right? And this Tri Wizard thing is a huge competition? Why, pray tell, have we not heard mention of it before? Someone told me it only happened every 25 year or so in the books, but why then was Weasley gung ho to try it when he was 17, in 3 years? By the way, could he and Harry have been bigger putzes at the big dance? Neither one of them seem to have an interest in Heriome, and have two super cute dates but spent the evening sulking about the girl they didn’t bother to ask out. At age 14 (assuming I had a date at a dance and was not by myself in a corner with a head full of mindless violence) if I had any girl remotely attractive on a date with me I sure wouldn’t have been moping around the buffet table. By the way, Weasley in particular managed to ruin the social event of the year for his date. Nice going, jackass.
Finally, I know this is the school of magic, but is there a real reason they don’t bother to use even any technology? I mean, electric lights might be cool, or maybe an iPod full of music. They managed to have a flying car in the last film, and Hagrid had a flying motorcycle in the first one. Some TV might be nice. I really ask this because if I were a wizard headed into possible battle I think I would like to have a fist full of steel to back up my magic. That way, while you are Voldemort are locked in a wand duel you could draw your .357 with your other hand and put an ounce of lead justice over his left eye. Harry gets hurt all the time, so it’s obvious that being a wizard doesn’t make you immune to kinetic energy or blunt force trauma. Blow his brains out, then evaporate his head with your wand and tell everyone you beat him fair and square. I’m just saying.
Anyway, like I keep saying, I am enjoying this series quite a bit, in spite of my many questions. My movie choices are starting to look a little lame, so I think I will try to see another one to write up tomorrow. Talk to you soon.
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.