Nerd Dating: to see a movie or not Pt 3 Movie Etiquette
OK, you have successfully selected a movie and are going to a local theater to see it (I hate theater shirt image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category). Now to discuss how you should behave.
First of all, walk up to the box office and buy both tickets. Don’t even ask. If she looks perturbed or says something say she can buy the drinks and popcorn. This is your chance to man up and look like a guy in control. Also, don’t hand her one of the tickets. That is something friends do, not boyfriends. Hand both tickets to the guy at the box office.
I do recommend popcorn. People build bonds from sharing food. A little accidental hand contact as you both reach for it is a good thing. Let her hold the popcorn and eat it from her lap. She will feel weird reaching into your crotch. Also, if you are going to do candy get something you can easily share, like Skittles or M&Ms. Don’t do hot dogs or anything that looks like a meal. Also, nachos, as delicious as they are, are a prime opportunity to look like a total slob, so stay away. If she made a stink at the box office let her pay, but if she accepted your purchase of the tickets blithely than pay for this as well. Drinks are good, but don’t super size anything.
In the theater, pick a section that seems pretty even. Let her proceed down the aisle and choose the final seat. If you are fortunate enough to be in a theater with the retractable arms (also known as snuggle seats. This is another opportunity where five minutes research may well pay off) it is perfectly acceptable to leave the arm up in order to stay closer to her. It is not necessarily acceptable to use her acceptance of that to creep in on her. Put your drink in the armrest on the outside.
Put your jacket on an empty seat next to yours and take hers. By the way, if the theater is one of those that runs their air conditioning like a cryogenic facility you can gain a lot of respect and appreciation by giving her your jacket to use as a blanket for her legs. If you feel like you want to wear your jacket suck it up and give it to her. Be the man, and the gentleman.
After you get settled turn of your cell phone. Do not wait until you see the notice or she does it. You want to look like you are both considerate and in control. Doing it because you are told to do it is wimpy. Let her be reminded by you.
If you think you might need to drain the lizard during the movie do so now. A good excuse is that you want to wash your hands before the popcorn. You will be taking a slight risk leaving her alone in the theater, but it is acceptable and also shows you are secure and not overbearing. She may take the opportunity to do the same.
By the way, a decent test of how much she likes or trusts you is how she passes by you. If she faces the screen and shows you her bottom as she sidles by she likes you. If she turns her back to the screen and goes crotch first she is not sure and/or is already bored. Of course, don’t read too much into this as she could either be on the fence or just not thinking about it, but I have found this to be a decent barometer.
When the trailers start, it is generally OK to make quite funny comments about the trailers. Here is your chance to be witty and funny. Pretend you are in the theater with the MST3K crew (in fact, if you are a fan don’t be afraid to borrow a couple lines from Tom Servo or Crow. No one will bust you on a copyright infringement, and odds are extremely unlikely that she has ever watched more than five minutes of the show. For that matter, if by some weird alignment of the solar system she is a fan you may gain credibility by referencing the show).
Once the movie starts, shut the hell up and enjoy. When it ends, unless she is in the movie business get up once the credits start. Don’t be one of those weird guys who sits through the entire credits in hopes of seeing a spoiler at the end. If you heard there was one YouTube it. People who sit through credits are never hot or cool, if you know what I mean. Hand her her jacket and if you are feeling particularly smooth assist her in putting it on. It will actually be very awkward and take more time than it would have for her to do it herself, but you will look like a stud if you pull it off correctly (or a dork if you don’t).
That’s it for now. More later.
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.