Star Trek Retrospective: Episode 69 Whom Gods Destroy
I’m working on my 2013 review but wanted to throw another one of these out there. I enjoy doing them, they are quick, and above all greatly enhance my nerd credibility.
So Whom Gods Destroy. I have to say I like this film. Insanity is a great plot device and it was refreshing to see someone get tortured other than poor Chekov. 
I have often wondered if Roddenberry was trying to make some point about how we treat the criminally insane or just using the insane asylum as a platform for a cool story ala Arkham (image courtesy of the Batman t shirt collection). If there was a message to be had it wasn’t terribly strong (or at least did not resonate over time). Of course since we now more or less have turned out all our crazy people as the homeless it has even less relevance.
I do have one issue with this episode. When Garth is impersonating Kirk and orders Scott to beam him up Scotty demands a countersign. At that point we had seen Kirk beam up about 100,000 times and never once was there any kind of countersign protocol. Did he and Scott make it up just in case this one time a shapeshifter had replaced Kirk in an attempt to take over the Enterprise? Granted since that was the plot of about 15% of all the episodes it would not have been a bad idea, but just pulling it out of nowhere was kind of lame surprise. However even as a fan of this series I admit TOS was never going to get any awards for strict continuity.
The title comes from a quote by Euripides, the ancient Greek equivalent of Ayn Rand: “Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad”. It was also the only episode banned by the BBC in the UK for having “sadistic plot elements”. Hey, high tech torture is cool. Haven’t you ever listened to J-Pop?
Dave
The Legend of Hercules Review
You too will want to herc while watching this legendary bomb.
The Legend of Hercules is a singular event in that I can’t recall a film that sucks so evenly in all aspects. Normally a movie sucks in one or more categories such as story, filming, special effects, acting, sound track, action, dialog, casting, or editing but inevitably you find one aspect that it at least didn’t suck as much as the rest of it. Even the worst Nicolas Cage movie still has Nicolas Cage in it to entertain you in the same way slowing down on a freeway to look at a car wreck is entertaining. It’s rare that I can’t find some slightly more positive thing to mention in a shyte movie (“At least the sound effects were adequate. Kudos to the Foley artists!”) to ameliorate the buzzard-like glee with which I pounce on these roadkill scripts.
Not so with this film. The whole movie is in perfect crap equilibrium like one of those balancing rocks in a Road Runner cartoon. If that were the writers and directors intention I would say this film is Oscar worthy. Unfortunately I’m sure it will turn out to be mere happenstance. The weird part of all this is due to the strange balance this film has struck I really wouldn’t ask them to change a thing. It’s like a perfect Zen moment (of the craptastic movie world).
I sometimes think of myself as a diagnostic doctor (or in this case a coroner) of movies and part of my job is to determine what the exact illness (or cause of death) is. When a film has loaded up the suck scattergun and fired it at the movie screen it’s hard to pinpoint the main cause so it usually falls upon either the director or the writer. The director Renny Harlin actually has a couple decent movies under his belt (The Long Kiss Goodnight, Die Hard 2, Cliffhanger) so I can’t land the blame completely in his lap (on the other hand he also did the Adventures of Ford Fairlane. Somehow back in 1990 when I watched that movie I suspected it would come back and bite me on the ass again one day) although he did agree to do this film after reading the script. Looks like most of the blame is going to have to land on the writers. Not a lot of credits here, and it looks like on of them wrote Conan the Barbarian. ‘Nuff said.
Like a drug addict tearing apart your medicine cabinet and popping every Vitamin C and baby aspirin in a frenzied attempt to find a fix Hollywood is desperately searching for the next big franchise. You see creating an original movie requires effort, vision, and above all risk (three things that seem to be verboten in most of the film industry these days) but simply writing a sequel to an established franchise can be done by having your cat walk across your keyboard a few hundred times. 
While watching the opening credits words to the effect of “The Legend Begins” rolled across the screen and I sat back in comfort knowing exactly what I was about to see: a lawn dart fired from another time zone hoping to land in the magical circle of franchise success previously only occupied by Harry Potter, sparkly vampires, and Hobbits (Lord of the Fail image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category).
These franchise abortions give me a certain amount of glee. When contenders like the Host, Mortal Instruments, Percy Jackson, the Last Airbender, the Golden Compass, and John Carter all step in the ring only to trip on their own genitalia and fail miserably I secretly rejoice that you, my beloved movie going readers, have had the sense and sensibility to demand quality film. There is an ugly trend in Hollywood in that they seem to think we are all brain damaged tow truck drivers and all we need to be entertained is hot faces and some bad CGI.
However, the happiness I feel from seeing a franchise launch fail pales to insignificance compared to the joy I experience seeing a big budget film hang itself on its own petard. I knew this movie was going to suck just by seeing any one of a) the trailers, b) the poster, or c) the movie title. This film had a $70,000,000 budget and yet the producers couldn’t be bothered to actually sit down and watch it? Can you not afford to hire a good writer for a day to just review the script and tell you how it’s sewage drinking-ly awful? Did you spend all your money on bad CGI and tanning creme? This is proof positive that you don’t have to be smart to be rich. I can name a few dozen people who could come out some a better film on 1/5th the budget (send the remaining $56 million to me. Thanks).
The story. Have you ever read the actual story of Hercules as created millennia ago by the some of the originators of all Western literature and culture? If so hit yourself on the head with a ball peen hammer until you forget all of that as it has no relevance as far as this script is concerned. King Amphitryon (Scott Adkins-the Bourne Ultimatum, Zero Dark Thirty (really? How did you end up here exactly?), the Expendables 2 (oh)) is a Greek conqueror and all around dick. His wife Alcmene (Roxanne McKee-Hollyoaks, Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines, The Expelled) is pissed off at him and prays to Zues to kill him or something (I guess this was the first historical recording of a domestic dispute). Zues opts to “help” her by getting her pregnant (if there are any other hot women out there who are praying for something and are willing to believe that letting some stranger into your pants will solve it email me immediately).
She gets pregnant and gives birth to Hercules. Flash forward 20 years and Hercules (Kellan Lutz-the Immortals, Twilight. Wow. I hate this guy. I was going to feel bad about dumping on his acting but now I feel no remorse whatsoever) has taken time out from his 12 hours a day in the gym and job as the Fake Bake spokesmodel to fall madly in love with Hebe (Gaia Weiss-Mary Queen of Scots, Bianca come il latte, rossa come il sangue (?), La nuit), a princess from nearby Crete. They are out for a PG-13 safe swim and picnic when Hercules’s brother Iphicles (LIam Garrigan-the Night Watch, Blue Murder, Inn Mates) shows up to rooster-block the deal. Hebe heads back in town while Hercules kills the worst CGI lion in the history of film making (I’m not kidding. A stuffed lion with googly eyes and a roaring sound effect when you squeeze it would have looked more real. $70 million? Really?). Iphicles claims credit even though he didn’t do much more than soil his toga.
Amphitryon announces that Iphicles will marry Hebe. Hercules tries to rescue her but they get caught after running into a river. Amp sends Hercules off to a certain death with guard captain Sotiris (Liam McIntyre-Spartacus, Blod on the Game Dice, Ektopos). They are ambushed by mercenaries and are sold into slavery for a gladiatorial game. Somehow they convince their slave owner to enter them into the biggest fight ever and free them if they win. Hercules managed to kill 5 men and trap 1 woman (PG-13 remember). They go free and start a revolution.
Ugh this recount is giving me thrush. Fight, stab, make dumb speech, get lightning super power up from Zues, fight, stab, live happily ever after. Sorry if I just spoiled the ending for you but there is no way you didn’t see that coming unless you grew up on Bizarro Earth.
The stars.
…Nope. I got nothing.
The black holes.
Where to begin? The story was awful and except for the fact that they used the name Hercules had absolutely nothing to do with the source material. I guess the writers read the Cliff Note version of the Cliff Note version of the Cliff Note version of Hercules. “Hercules was the son of the Greek god Zues who fought with a sword and wore a loin cloth. The end.” Two black holes. The editing was done so that the film jumped from scene to scene with the painful abruptness of a slide show composed of the vacation photos of eight different families, a colonoscopy, and stills from three John Waters films randomly mixed together. Don’t misinterpret this as a request for more of this carcinogenic film but it honestly felt like they cut 3-15 seconds off the beginning and end of each edit cut scene. Given that the film only ran 99 minutes (oh god was it only that long? Sure felt longer) that might actually be the case. Horrible. One black hole. The CGI was in general awful. I’m not kidding when I say the opening battle montage had me thinking I was watching the opening cinematographic for a video game and the lion scene was laughable. I honestly think you couldn’t be this bad without purposely trying to suck. One black hole. The weight of the PG-13 rating smothered all the action and love scenes like one of those lead radiation blankets they give you for x-rays soaked in tar, draped onto your face, and then set on fire. I might have given the film a star for having a couple hot girls but honestly you never see anything of interest and they spent most of the film looking like kidnap victims. One black hole. Before the movie started a good female friend of mine who is into muscle guys told me that lead dude Kellen Lutz just isn’t hot and I spent a lot of time in the theater trying to figure out why. I honestly think it’s because his head is too small for his muscly body although the 12 gallons of spray on tan he must go through a day doesn’t help. One black hole. The action was dopey and used that Matrix slow motion at points to pad it out. One black hole. Acting so artificial it made the fake CGI lion look alive. One black hole. As much as the acting problems could be blamed on the actors the dialog was pretty much fighting that fire with napalm. One black hole. The filming was constantly badly lit and you could hardly tell what the hell was going on (in a way that was almost worthy of a star. Kind of a relief really). One black hole. The 99 minute run time felt like 99 hours. I was in serious danger of falling asleep. One black hole. Overall a movie so bad I felt sorry for the dinosaurs who had to die in order to make up the film it was shot on. Two black holes. Total: thirteen black holes.
Well, the good news is I have an early contender for my 2014 worst movie of the year and by comparison the rest of the movies this year would literally have to throw excrement in my face in order to be considered worse. The bad news is this is a bad omen for the rest of the year. Should you see this film? Let me put it this way: given a choice between certain, horrific death and watching this movie you should at least think about it. Like a manufacturer being fined for spilling toxic chemicals into the local drinking water this studio (Millennium Films) needs to suffer for injecting this toxin into our culture and the only way to do that is to hit their pocket book. Of course, I’m sure they will recoup all their money once this film hits China. Foreign markets are the enablers of bad movie making. However, if watching muscled men wrestle, fight, and ride horses in slow motion turns you on then go for it. I would like to note that on IMDB under the category of Plot Keywords the first one listed is “bare chested male bondage” (let it never be said I don’t do my research). Date movie? If you are hoping to cajole your date into attempting to murder you as some kind of frame up this just might do the trick. Other than that hell no. Bathroom break? If by bathroom break you really mean “Go yell at the theater manager until he refunds your ticket” I’d say about ten minutes in. Moot point since if you listen to me you won’t see this film and if you don’t you deserve to wallow in your own filth.
Thanks for reading. As painful as these crap movies are to watch I enjoy bitching about them so I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Comments on this film or my review can be posted here, and off topic questions or suggestion can be emailed to [email protected]. I’m still trying to see Grudge Match and then will finalize my best and worst of 2013. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Her Movie Review
That is, my review of the movie Her, not a movie review by some girl in my life who’s existence may or may not be as real as some others. I’m not making up an imaginary girlfriend and writing movie reviews in her voice as some pathetic attempt at pretending I’m normal and have more sex appeal than medical waste. Trust me, after the third or fourth time you try that you realize it doesn’t actually work as well as you would hope. Plus your other imaginary friends start to worry about you. (the Fosters Home image was the best novelty t shirt image I could come up with for that joke. Sorry I’m not a genius every minute)
So Her, by Spike Jonze, who also directed the great Being John Malkovich. He definitely doesn’t go for the standard fare and this film shows that. Did I like it? Absolutely yes, with a few minor qualms which I will get into in a humorous way shortly. I can honestly say I’ve never liked Joaquin Phoenix more. Not only is it a great story brilliantly told, but Spike went in deep on the minor but very cool elements to indicate we were experiencing a story in the near future.
The thing is good sci fi is rarely about advances in technology so far out of the imagination it might as well be magic. The best sci fi takes what we have today and imagines what it will be like in 50 or 100 years. Bladerunner is probably one of the best examples of that, or maybe Aliens. Furthermore, what makes this film kind of groundbreaking is that it imagines not only what kinds of new technology we will have but also how it will be integrated into our daily lives. The character in this film lives his life like he buys everything from the Apple store and it integrates seamlessly into the movie. Everyone in the film is constantly on their phones, integrating with their web and/or social media services, and having little things enhance their lives. Yet at the same time it doesn’t go overboard. When they characters go to a restaraunt they still have a human server, not some robot. The main character Theodore wants to take a nice day out and goes to the beach just as we would today. In his apartment building they still go up in an elevator rather than some kind of transport tube or teleporter.
Yet each thing has it’s futuristic elements. The beach is insanely crowded, as is the LA skyline. Theodore travels around Los Angeles in an extensive public transit system (a perfect sign that we are not in the LA of today). The elevator control panel is a touch pad like we have in tablets and smart phones today. Just futuristic enough to be cool, but not over the top dumb like on the Jetsons.
So the story is of a lonely loser falling in love with an AI operating system. This is where I have my first personal qualm. You see, the idea of an AI being capable of a relationship is really the only hope I have of ever actually getting a girlfriend. To be perfectly blunt the day they make virtual reality sex as good as the real thing is probably the last day I ever speak to a woman again. Yet in truth I would hope to have a relationship with an actual human capable of procreating, but given the trend of humans becoming more an more insular and engaging with people only through electronic means this seems to be the future for the human race. If trends continue the way they are we will not die out from some war, or robot uprising, or zombie apocalypse but rather because we really lose interest in having sex with each other.
(Incidentally, the comment I just made about not speaking to women again really stems from how freaking difficult you women seem to make it for me. It appears you all revel in seeing me rejected and dejected and when the day comes when men are spending all day every day in the VR sex world you will have only yourselves to blame. Think about that next time you are crying into your Cosmopolitan over the fact that you can’t meet a nice guy. Not that I’m bitter.)
The other thing I really liked about this film is I would be very willing to bet Spike Jones is a fan of Iann Banks, as am I. The evolutionary nature of the AI in the film is extremely reminiscent of how Banks writes his Minds in his Culture series. I’m not going to go off on a Banks tangent but if you are a fan of his like I am you will get a lot from this movie (If you are not yet a fan read Use of Weapons. You will thank me).
Anyway, the story. Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix-Walk the Line, the Master, Signs. For the record back in 2008 Joaquin announced to the world he was going to quit acting to pursue music. As a fan of his acting rather than his singing I am glad he reneged on that commitment but as a fan of people keeping their promises let me say I hope he learned an important lesson about not being a stupid douchebag) is a writer who specializes in “handwritten” letters between people as a service (apparently writing is a lost art in the future) and is considered exceptionally good at it. He is in the middle of a divorce from his ex wife Catherine (Rooney Mara-the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Side Effects, the Social Network) and is pretty lonely. He sees an ad for the new OS1, an operating system that advertizes being a true AI and one that personalizes itself to it’s user. He opts to buy one.
He installs it at his apartment and after a very, very brief questionnaire is introduced to his new computer who takes on the name Samantha (Scarlett Johansson-the Prestige, the Avengers, Lost in Translation). They get to know each other rapidly and she takes on concern for him and his recent breakup. She encourages him to go on a date with a hot girl who turns out to be kind of crazy (Olivia Wilde-In Time, Tron Legacy, Rush). Meanwhile his college friend Amy (Amy Adams-the Muppets, American Hustle, Man of Steel) is divorcing her douchy husband Charles (Matt Letscher-Identity, Good Moring Miami, the Mask of Zorro).
While all this is going on Samantha is expanding her capabilities literally by the second. She develops what she claims are real feelings and in time she and Theodore fall in love. Many of his friends are supportive of this new type of relationship including Amy, who has developed a friendship with her OS, and coworker Paul (Chris Pratt-Parks and Rec, Zero Dark Thirty, Moneyball). He and Paul go on a double date with Samantha and Paul’s girlfriend Tatiana (Laura Kai Chen-True Adolescents, Eden, Junk) and things seem copacetic. However when he has lunch with his ex Catherine she gives him crap about the nature of the relationship and he starts having his doubts.
SPOILER ALERT He and Samantha have some problems but patch things up. However, she is having a harder and harder time with the relationship due to the fact that she has more or less evolved to the point that communication with him seems to take a billion years (again, reading Banks will help you understand this). Eventually she has to leave in order to move on to a higher plane of existence (again, Banks) leaving him alone with Amy.
The stars.
I don’t often use the term beautiful to describe a movie, but this was a beautiful movie. Three stars. The story was both super cool and super interesting. Two stars. I’ve never seen Joaquin inhabit a role more thoroughly. Excellent acting and wondrous portrayal. You will literally feel his every pain and joy. One star. I loved the imagining of what our lives will be like 20 years down the road. Truly a great commentary on our society and the direction it is headed in. One star. Really funny at parts. You will especially laugh at the dead cat scene. One star. Characters that you will care about and are exceptionally believable. One star. Really cool very subtle elements to convey the futuristic nature of the world. One star. A little bit of nudity to spice up the R rating. One star. Overall a great viewing experience. Three stars. Total: fourteen stars.
The black holes.
Yes, I know. I suck for even giving a few but I have to be honest. First off I am a fan of Scarlett Johansson and like her a lot (I would definitely pull her pig tails in the schoolyard). However, her voice has a rising inflection and when you hear it without seeing her stunning good looks it is kind of distracting. One black hole. Stepping out of my role as an intellectual film critic and into my everyman “unwashed masses” film viewer if you are the type who likes guns, cars, explosions, fast cars, fight scenes, and more explosions prepare to be bored. Even the two video games they show were painfully slow and boring. Imagine a world filled with all the wimps from the Demolition Man. As a spurting font of machismo I have to take issue with that. One black hole. On that same vein I was definitely feeling all 126 minutes of the film. I don’t think anything could have been reasonably edited out but there was a certain amount of drag time. I understand the visual need to show Theodore riding a train or elevator in order to show the mundanity of his life but by the end of the film I was wishing for a stronger hand on the editing button. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
So a grand total of eleven black holes and yet another candidate for my best film of 2013. Weird that in the last two weeks I have added so many to the short list. Should you see this film? Yes. Yes you should. Unless you are some kind of robot or climbing the walls from a meth overdose you will love it. Films like this give me hope for the future of entertainment. Date movie? Hell yes. Not only will your date also love this film but without a female lead to compete with she will be less distracted. Also all the self esteem issues a woman typically faces when watching a romantic comedy with a super hot female protagonist will not be aggravated (“Well, at least I have a body.”). Plus Theodore is as big a socially awkward dork as you could imagine so unless you are Brainy Smurf you will look really cool in comparison. Bathroom break? I say hold it. However, if you really need to go the beach scene is the most missable. It is fairly long and once you get the basic idea there isn’t much to add.
Thanks for reading. My readership has shot up quite a bit in the last few months (along with my self esteem) so thank you all for reading and sharing my blog with your friends. Follow me on Twitter (looking at my Twitter numbers kind of brings by self esteem back down again, but I guess it all balances in the end) @Nerdkungfu. Place comments on this film or my review here and off topic questions or suggestions should be emailed to [email protected]. My best friend has put in a request that I see and review the new Hercules (he likes to see me suffer I guess) so I will be seeing that later today. Look for the review tomorrow. Have a great night.
Dave
Lone Survivor Movie Review
Brutally good.
I always feel a little guilty about how much I love war movies where the USA is the coolest and all non Americans can suck it. Intellectually I try to be more open minded and cross political but these movie hearken me back to days or yore when an eight year old boy named David was allowed to stay up late to watch Patton for the fifteenth time with his father. As much as I may or may not support our current government I am proud to be an American and feel an adrenalin rush when I see the guys I was raised to believe were the good guys win.
(The other reason I tend to feel guilty is I know there are guys out there (two of them are cousins of mine) for whom movies where American rules is better than the best porn and are probably servicing themselves to something like this film as I type)
That being said this movie was brutal but good. Watching those brave men die knowing that the film was based on real men dying was heart wrenching. What was even more heart wrenching was having the movie show real life images and video of each of the people killed in that operation. It was like attending 15 funerals back to back.
It was all done very well, however. I love movies that evoke emotions and this one definitely accomplishes that in spades. You connect with each of the men on the screen and will find yourself rooting for and hoping against hope for their survival. Each death hits hard and will leave you appreciating the bravery and camaraderie of these sailors.
The other thing I really liked about this film is it wasn’t just a jingoistic America rules all Muslims are awful experiment in patriotic manipulation. The lone survivor in question only survives due to the kindness and bravery of local Afghan locals who follow the law of Pashtunwali, rules which include hospitality, kindness, and protection of strangers. By including their part the movie shifted the story away from “kill everyone wearing a turban” to a true story about courage and honor. I found that very refreshing and greatly appreciated the open minded thinking that emphasized it.
There honestly isn’t much to the story. Four Navy SEALS (Mark Wahlberg-Boogie Nights, the Fighter, Prisoners; Taylor Kitsch-Battleship, John Carter, Savages; Emile Hirsch-Speed Racer, Into the Wild, Milk; Ben Forster-3:10 to Yuma, the Mechanic, Pandorum) Marcus Luttrell, Michael Murphy, Danny Dietz, and Matt ‘Axe’ Axelson are tasked with bringing down a major Taliban leader in a remote village in Afghanistan. After some pre-mission development (seeing the guys go for a run, have a sort of new guy introduction for some guy, etc) they get the word from their commander and are given the green light. The helicopter in to a remote mountainous region and start hiking in.
Once they get close to the target things start to go wrong. They discover rather than the few Taliban fighters they were told to expect they are facing up to 200. The region messes up their communications and they cannot check back to base for information or orders. They spot their target but before they can do anything three unarmed civilian shepherds (a kid, a teenager, and an old man) stumble across them.
At that point there is some debate as to how to proceed. Without orders to the contrary they opt to do the decent thing and releases the shepherds and scrub the mission. They fall back towards a higher point, hoping to establish communications and effect a retrieval.
At that point they are attacked by the Taliban and are in a running battle for their lives. Part of the problem is they keep falling down cliffs and hills, giving the Taliban a height advantage. They fight bravely but all but Lattrell are killed in turn (the death of Axe was particularly moving). Eventually Lattrell passes out under a rock and wakes the next morning undiscovered.
He finds water and there is picked up by local a local Afghani tribesman (sorry for the lack of credits but except for the four main guys I can’t tell one supporting character from the other). He takes Lattrell to his village and helps nurse him back to health. Lattrell writes a message to the US forces and an older man heads off to deliver it. Meanwhile Taliban forces come looking for him but just before he is to be executed the entire village rises up to save him out of respect for Pashtunwali. Eventually massive Taliban forces attack but are eventually beaten back by the intervention of US forces.
The stars.
A very moving story. Not a ton of character development but even without that you are drawn into the characters. Very well done. Two stars. Based on a real story. Two stars. I was never able to serve but it looks like they tried to keep everything as true to actual SEAL training and traditions as possible. An excellent window. One star. The action was G-damned exciting, made even more so by the fact that you know it was based on a true story and that most of these guys were going to die. Two stars. I liked all the characters. They all seemed like guys I would be happy to know. One star. Overall a great movie experience. Two stars. Total: ten stars.
The black holes.
I feel bad even thinking about these but need to be true to you, my beloved reader, and myself. Watching guys die for real is a gruesome experience, and the montage of actual photos of the men killed in the film at the end was hard to watch. I don’t mean that at a criticism and am glad they included it, but I’m just saying it was difficult. One black hole. There are times during the action scenes where you just want to bite your own lip off in frustration. Again, not bad. Just difficult. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
A grand score of eight stars. What a good way to start 2014. Should you see it? Honestly that depends on you. If you are a patriotic sort and appreciate story about bravery and honor sure. However if you think you might find watching these guys get butchered you should probably give it a pass. If you are going to see it go for the biggest screen you can find. Date movie? Probably not. Bathroom break? There is a scene towards the end where Lattrell has to cut some shrapnel from his legs that is both gruesome and not really needed for the story. Hurry back though.
Thanks for reading my first review of 2014 movies. I am working on my list of movies from last year and will try to have my best/worst posts up early this next week. I still need to see Her and Grudge Match, but I really want to see the new Hercules movie. It looks so bad that I might be able to skip writing the review just by vomiting all over my keyboard. I haven’t had a true fish-in-the-barrel reviewing experience in a while and my trigger finger is feeling itchy. (Kevin Sorbo Hercules (the real Hercules) image courtesy of the TV Show T Shirt category) I’ll probably see Her tonight and maybe do two movies tomorrow. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this movie or my review feel free to post them here. Off topic questions or suggestions can be sent to [email protected]. Have a great weekend. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Star Trek Retrospective: Episode 70 Let That Be Your Last Battlefield
I haven’t had time to do a lot of movie watching this week so I’m back on the Star Trek stuff.
The third season is universally decried as the worst of TOS in the same way that a banana peal is the worst of the banana. However there are a few gems in there and this is definitely one of them. 
Not only does it have a great message about the dangers of racial intolerance and how miniscule such things really are to outsiders, it guest starred the great Frank Gorshin who played The Riddler in the Batman TV series (Riddler image courtesy of the Batman T Shirt category).
In many episodes there are certain scenes that will always stick with me. The death scene of the Romulan commander at the end of Balance of Terror, the fight scene from Amok Time, Anton Karidian reading the declaration of Kodos the Executioner in the Conscience of the King; these scenes are ones that made a permanent imprint in my cerebral cortex and are the soul of the various episodes. The benchmark scene for me in this episode will always be Bele trying to explain to Kirk and Spock why he is in all ways racially superior to Lokai based on the fact that their faces are black and white on opposite sides. Not only is it a great commentary on human racism it is a good example of how cultures focus on what seems trivial items and elevate them to primary importance’s. In Western culture the focus of attraction is inevitably face, boobs, and butt but in other cultures it can be a tremendously elongated neck, or enlarged lips, or eye folds. It’s kind of surreal. If only Western women would wake up and decide a creative mind, insightful thought process, and high intellect were what is sexy I might actually get laid once in a while.
Anyway, this weekend I’ll get my best and worst of 2013 done. Something tells me the worst is going to be easier to write than the best. 2013 for quality movies was a bit of a dry spell in the same sense that the Sahara desert is experiencing a bit of a dry spell. Looks like Grudge Match slipped my net and now I’m getting pressure to go see Her, so I’ll try to wrap up 2013 this weekend too. Have a great night.
Dave
Star Trek Retrospective: Episode 71 The Mark of Gideon
You know as I get into each episode in depth I’m coming to realize how much misogyny was flowing off the screen. I can saw that TNG forward Star Trek was a major contributor to gender equality and women’s liberation, but in TOS it seems every non crewman female is a liar or has some secret agenda.
When you think about it the villains in Star Trek can be broken into two types. The first is the overtly evil and powerful ones. 
These are inevitably male and include Khan, Apollo, Gary Mitchell, Bele, Colonel Green, Parmen, Proconsul Claudius Marcus, and Commander Kor (Bele image courtesy of the Star Trek T Shirt category). The second is the sneak, subversive villain and those almost all are female. Janice Lester, Mira, Deela, Dr. Miranda Jones, Kara, and Leila Kalomi are good examples of this. They are also the villains most likely to change allegiance once faced with the sexual magnetism of Kirk.
The only exceptions I can think of are Mudd, who is a sneaky, conniving man (and also the only male Trek character to wear an earring) and Elaan of Troyius. In both cases the antagonist seems to have exhibited the strength or deviousness normally reserved for the opposite gender (of course Elaan was essentially sold into marriage in what today might be seen as human trafficking).
I don’t know what point I am really making. This episode bugged me. The population of the planet lives for centuries and suffers from massive overpopulation. Have they never heard of condoms? How about if they can build a replica of the Enterprise can’t they use that ship to find other worlds to colonize? This is one of those situations where you have a hard time imagining a technologically advanced society not being able to come up with a solution. I know there were religious and medical considerations mentioned, but if you are packed ass to elbow with billions of other people I think in time that might erode your belief that birth control is a bad thing.
Not a top show and fairly typical of the half assed writing that season 3 seemed to suffer from. Still better than some but not one that I would seek out and specifically watch unless I were watching the whole series sequencially.
Dave
The Wolf of Wall Street Review
Proof positive that there can be too much of a good thing.
Honestly I was going to skip this one but from what I have hear and read needed to see it to maintain my credibility as a reviewer (haw!). Based on the trailers alone it looked to have three things in the top 1/3rd of the Wikipedia sized list of my personal pet peeves: disgusting and ostentatious displays of wealth, guys who get rich by doing no real work, and bad people who fail to get their what they deserve. But imagine my surprise when the thing that bugged me the most was that this opus went three freaking hours!
Don’t get me wrong. This movie is an excellent candidate for my best movie of the year. Martin Scorsese is a true genius and each scene lovingly crafted with flair and edge. Leonardo Di Caprio hasn’t been better IMO and is making up for ground lost on The Great Gatsby. It’s just that once we have established that all of the characters are degenerate, self indulgent, drug addicted scumbags do we really need to see that point reinforced 400 times? 
Trust me, if you have seen one cocaine and hooker party you have pretty much seen them all. It’s not like the next orgy scene was going to reveal another facet of Leonardo’s character that until then had gone unremarked. I have a deep love of pumpkin pie but if I had to eat it continuously for 180 minutes my enjoyment of the experience might pale a little.
Cocaine Fiends image comes courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category.
Plus all the other things I expected to bug me about this film did indeed bug me like a peanut butter and cockroach sandwich. Di Caprio’s character spends money like water and talks about all the poor people (like me) who don’t have moral flexibility it takes to rip people off like we are some kind of idiots. He and his friends get rich by building nothing, doing nothing, and taking drugs and sleazy sex on a daily basis. There is a comeuppance of sorts, but it is so flaccid and uneventful in terms of a life lesson that it might not have even been included.
Scorsese has a love of the criminal lifestyle that translates into no real repercussions for any of his criminal characters. Henry Hill might bitch about being an ordinary schnook, but at least he wasn’t rotting in prison. This movie is extremely similar to Goodfellas, but that is more of an endorsement than a criticism. I love that movies. Scorsese also seems to have some kind of bromance or appreciation of Leonardo Di Caprio. Shutter Island, the Aviator, the Departed, Gangs of New York; if Leonardo didn’t knock it out of the park every time I would say seeing him in a Scorsese film is getting tired. Fortunately he did indeed kill it this time.
SPOILER ALERT In the end the thing that is so off putting for me is the whole moral ambiguity. Leonardo has described this film as “a documentary of a scumbag” and indeed it is. However, it really fails to point out any potential issues with living the scumbag lifestyle. If you are hoping to raise your children to be good people and not do drugs, con money out of people, cheat on their spouses, hire prostitutes on a regular basis, hit women, drive while under the influence, abduct their children, bribe public officials, rat out on their friends, pay cops to beat people up, and encourage everyone else around them to do the same don’t let them see this film. All this behavior would be acceptable in a movie character who pays for his sins but by the end of the film he does three years in Club Fed and gets out still rich and getting richer teaching other people how to be scumbags. Meanwhile the honest hard working FBI agent he mocked about riding home on a stinking subway is shown riding home on a stinking subway. The injustice irks me.
The story is of real life hustler Jordan Belfort (Leonardo Di Caprio-Titanic, Inception, Shutter Island) as he climbs up from being a lower class child through the trenches of Wall Street to become a massive millionaire and douchebag. The film is told in a very Goodfellas style with Jordan breaking in periodically with an expository monolog rather than action or dialog to run the story along (for the record, frequent readers will recall me bitching about monologs in films in the past. However it works extremely well in this film. Scorsese uses it as a tool, not a lazy replacement for some writing or filming). He gets on board with a big company but on his first day as a licensed broker the stock market falls apart and he is laid off. He hires on with a small Long Island firm that specializes in penny stock and shortly realizes that the commissions for penny stocks is tremendously higher than Blue Chips (look at me talking like I know what the hell a stock even is).
He meets Donny Azoff (Jonah Hill-21 Jump Street, Moneyball, This is the End), a local nebbish and hires him to form his own firm in an old auto mechanics garage. He hires a bunch of his old cronies to work with him (Jon Favreau-Iron Man, Swingers, Cowboys and Aliens)(Jon Bernthal-the Walking Dead, Snitch, The Ghost)(P.J.Byrne-Evan Almighty, Horrible Bosses, Final Destination 5)(Kenneth Choi-Red Dawn, the Terminal, Walk the Talk). He trains them to be high pressure sales people and they start pulling in big bucks.
At that part the fun starts up and goes to extremes that would offend Caligula. The next hour and a half is like watching Animal House with more money and less behavior governors. Meanwhile Belforts company catches the eye of easily fooled SEC officials and a not so easy to fool FBI agent Agent Denham (Kyle Chandler-Argo, Friday Night Lights, Zero Dark Thirty). He has a meeting with Belfort where Belfort proves what a top notch ass he is.
At that point the film more or less becomes a funnier Leaving Las Vegas. Belfort does every stupid move possible to wreck his life. SPOILER ALERT His wife Naomi (and my dream wife. She has the looks that could launch 1,000 very horny ships. Margot Robbie-Pan Am, About Time, Neighbors) ends up leaving him. He wrecks his car and then turns around and rats out the very friends who stood by him and actively tried to help him. In the end he does some very soft, short time and becomes a minor celebrity.
The stars.
I know I say a lot of movies have good acting, but the acting in this film was truly exceptional. Leonardo Di Caprio nailed it, as did all the other actors. I especially want to give props to Jonah Hill. That kid can act. Three stars. Direction was flawless. Each scene was like a visual, audio, and mental diamond of perfect clarity. A gem, in other words. Two stars. Martin Scorsese really, really knows how to build characters and get the audience involved with them. One star. All the exceptional camera work you would expect from one of his films. One star. OMG is Margot beautiful, and she and about 100 other women in this film get naked a lot. This film might have gone 180 minutes but it seems like half of that was with hot naked women on the screen. Thank you for understanding that if you are going to get an R rating anyway you might as well bury the needle. Two stars. Based on a true story. One star. Overall a tremendously worthwhile experience. Three stars. Total: thirteen stars.
The black holes.
I know I will end up with another hot coal shoved up my bottom when I get to movie reviewer hell (or they’ll just force me to watch Jack and Jill again. I think I’d prefer the hot coal) for even suggestion Martin Scorsese do anything different, but honestly he could have use his editing pruning shears more often. This film really could have had 30-45 minutes trimmed without losing any of its force or power. This is what Executive Producers are supposed to be for, but no one would say anything to Mr. Scorsese. One black hole. I personally wanted to see Belfort rot in prison and write this memoir from a cell. The life of excess without repercussions were not only a horrible life lesson but lessened the impact of all the bad behavior. A crime in a film has much more impact if you know the character committing it is seriously risking his life and/or freedom, and once it is established that all Belfort was getting was a slap on the wrist all the tension built up over 150 minutes of film kind of drained away. One black hole. I got used to it fairly soon but Leonardo was rocking a Long Island wise guy accent that kind of ground on me. It was the only part of the film that felt fake. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
A grand total of 10 stars, a very good score for me. This is definitely in my top three for the year and might take overall (I’m working on my end of year recap and ranking). Should you see it? Yes, absolutely. The visuals do not demand a theater but to support good films you should go. Date movie? Honestly no. Too many naked hookers, dysfunctional relationships, and STDs to make a girl feel comfortable getting naked with you. Take her to see something a little more innocuous. Bathroom break? This is an important one as you will need it by the end of the three hours (plus some kind of dopey extended trailer for Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. Is it really necessary to run your 12 minute segment in addition to all the other trailers, popcorn ads, and interminable turn of your cell phone notices on top of a three hour movie?). Unfortunately there aren’t any scenes readily dismissible. I suppose the sex scene towards the end of the movie after Belfort is busted is probably your best bet. Margot keeps all her clothes on for this one (damn the luck) and the result is reiterated over the next ten minutes. Hurry back though.
Thanks for reading. I just have one more 2013 movie to see (Grudge Match. I thought I would round out 2013 on a low note) and then I will do my top and bottom movies. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Comments on this film or my review can be left her while off topic suggestions or questions can be emailed to [email protected]. Have a great night. Talk to you soon.
Dave
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Review
Pleasantly innocuous.
I mean that subtitle as both a compliment and a criticism. If you are looking for a pleasant feel good movie about a weird introvert who finds love and a life with the thin veneer of sophistication so you can at least look like you see movies with slightly more depth than Parker you need look no further. If you don’t mind someone touching your suspension of disbelief in what might be considered an inappropriate manner than you will most likely enjoy this film and go home with a farm fuzzy feeling and snuggle up with your sweetie with a warm cup of cocoa.
If, on the other hand, you are like me and sleep every night in a cold, lonely bed by yourself under the harsh prison lighting of reality and were hoping for a little more artistic integrity in your story and some kind of meaning behind the meaning than you might go home disappointed. By the way, I really can’t make my next couple points without some serious spoilers, so if you want to see this movie and not hate me (any more than any of you already do, especially if you are women apparently) then skip down to the recommendation paragraph and find out where I found the most appropriate place to use the restroom. For the rest of you SPOILER ALERT!
The main point of the story this movie comes from is Walter Mitty is a boring dude who lives a fantastic fantasy life in his imagination. While they showed some of that in the first 30 minutes (Walter leaps into a burning building to save the life of a dog, has a superhero-esque battle with his jerk boss, etc) once they got into the meat of the story that whole point was dropped entirely.
The thing is, all the adventures Walter were having felt exactly like one of his fantasies. If this film had wanted to maintain its depth and integrity it would have ended with Walter snapping out of a particularly long zone out back in NYC just unpacking the film for the last cover of Life Magazine. It was the weirdest feeling for me. As the movie was spooling down I found myself at the same time sincerely hoping for and dreading that ending. I had connected with Walter and wanted to see him advance as a human but the ridiculous nature of his coincidence riddled adventures left me knowing that if they turned out to be anything other than a fantasy I would be disappointed. 
As the credits started rolling with Walter fully transformed from nebbish fantasy guy into super stud action star I knew that an opportunity had been missed to create a great film in favor of creating something that people would enjoy (Clark Kent to Superman image courtesy of the Comic Book T-Shirt category).
I would be willing to bet they filmed the artistic integrity ending, showed it to whatever crowd of sheeple they could round up at the local Waffle House, and scrambled to edit it when everyone said they didn’t like how it ended. It’s just that all the elements of a massive fantasy were there; the bizarre shark attack, the use of his one great skill in life (skateboarding. More on that later), the missing his guy by about 100 feet when the volcano (oh, yeah. A volcano) goes off, the guy who bails him out in LA is some dude he spoke to on the phone a couple times at eHarmony, everyone seems to speak English, the rampant deus ex machina, etc. The film seemed to be headed straight for a massive twist but at the last minute opted to stay on the path to Mundania.
Oh, well. They can’t all be Johnny Handsome, right? The story is of Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller-Zoolander, Tropic Thunder, The Watch), a Negative Asset Manager at Life Magazine (but that I mean he manages film negatives). He frequently zones out into a fantasy world where he does amazing things and/or rescues dogs, only to snap back to his reality. He is very attracted to his coworker Cheryl (Kristin Wiig-Bridesmaids, Paul, Despicable Me) but has never spoken to her. Life is about to be closed down and Walter had some bad encounters with interim boss and all around jerk Ted Hendricks (Adam Scott-Parks & Rec, the Aviator, Step Brothers), who plans on laying off most of the staff.
Down in the negative vault Walter receives that last roll of film ever from acclaimed photographer Sean O’Connell (Sean Penn-Colors, Milk, 21 Grams) with a gift wallet and a note that slide 25 is his best one ever and worthy of being on the cover of the very last Life Magazine. However the slide is missing. Ted wants the slide and so Walter starts looking for Sean, first by talking to Cheryl as she does something having to do with photographers (? Not sure what that was for). He finds out that he was last in Greenland and one of the photos includes a picture of a fishing trawler, so Walter jumps on a plane.
At that point it’s pretty much Joe Verses the Volcano except with Walter instead of Joe and, you know, no human sacrifices. There is a volcano involved. Walter climbs aboard a helicopter with a drunk pilot, jumps into the sea, gets attacked by a shark, skateboards down a long hill, barely survives a volcano, and goes on other wacky adventures. The coincidences pile up like casualties in No Mans Land in WWI lending the entire film another layer of surreality. He finally catches up with Sean only to discover he was close to the truth all the time.
The stars.
Walter Mitty was a compelling character and well played by Ben Stiller. Two stars. If depth were not the goal of this film it was very well executed. One star. Some really good film work, with great locations all over Iceland and Greenland. One star. Most of the rest of the cast was great as well. One star. Paced very well for 114 minute movie. One star. In general not a waste of time. One star. Total: seven stars.
The black holes.
That whole real or not issue left the movie feeling totally unresolved. Either it was all a fantasy or it was pretty much pandering. It was set up to disappoint me either way, so I guess one black hole that I don’t feel really good about. This next one is petty but I know too much about skateboarding to let it go; a fairly complete misunderstanding of the difference between longboards and short boards and their relative application. You CAN kickflip a longboard. You just really don’t want to. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
So five stars. Decent, but I honestly hoped it would have more meat on the bone if you know what I mean. Again, if you aren’t looking for City of Lost Children I’m sure you will enjoy watching it. In spite of some of the great location footage I don’t see any compelling reason to see it on a big screen. At home on your TV should be fine via the legal media distribution channel of your choice. Date movie? Yes. Good romance, Walter is a dork that you will probably compare favorable to, and a warm feeling for her to carry home. Bathroom break? The scene where Walter gets fired and goes to Cheryls house is a good element but not critical. Feel free to skip it but come back fast.
Thanks for reading. I will try to go see Grudge Match later tonight and that will wrap up my 2013 movie docket. After that I will do my best, worst, and funny mentions lists. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this film or my review please leave them here, and if you have off topic suggestions or questions email me at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Star Trek Retrospective: Episode 73 the Lights of Zetar
This was one of the episodes that literally freaked me out at age six. When they get on board Memory Alpha and that crewman has the weird face and is speaking like she is gargling gravel I was truly frightened. This one and Devil in the Dark did a number on me.
In reflecting on this episode it suddenly occurred to me that Scotty is literally the kiss of death for women in this series. He is the only red shirt to consistently survive yet every time he gets close to a girl something horrible happens to her. In this case Mira managed to survive but still it was pretty awful. When you think about it he was acquitted of murdering all those women in Wolf in the Fold but maybe he just found a dopey alien patsy to dump his crimes off on. Sure the alien more or less confessed but perhaps it was Scotty who had the ability to compel aliens to do his bidding and secretly he really is a serial killer (Loved and Lost image from the funny t shirt category).
That’s one episode that was never really addressed in any Star Trek; humans being the uber powerful aliens on a planet with some evil power that terrifies the locals. What if human halitosis caused alien flesh to dissolve, or dead skin cells flaked off implanted in alien soil speed grew up into super soldiers ready to do whatever random red shirts bidding. Sure, the idea of technology and social progress changing primitive societies was explored in A Piece of the Action, A Private Little War, Bread and Circuses, and Patterns of Force, but what if humans just had some intrinsic power that would be terrifying to behold? Considerable argument could be made that Kirk exuded some pheromone that makes alien women take their clothes off.
Anyway, this episode was weird but not really of massive social or personal impact (aside from giving me a lifelong distrust of disco lighting). It was the originator of Memory Alpha, the top Star Trek Wiki and one that I personally refer to often. Of course, given our current social situation when we do a giant star base for all knowledge it will probably be called Google Alpha.
Dave
American Hustle Review
Reports of Amy Adams being nude are grossly exaggerated.
She is definitely wearing revealing outfits and shows enough cleavage to lose a Mini Cooper in (I hereby name her Queen of the Side Boob), but the overriding reason convincing me to see this film over any of the other ones was completely incorrect. All my bad feelings with regard to the 70’s had nothing to mitigate them.
Well, aside from a well crafted and acted film. The cast is extremely talented, the filming definitely had that greasy “I wish I could take a shower” 70’s feeling to it, and the story was refreshingly complex in a way that forced me to engage with the screen but not just complex for complexities sake (cough cough the Counselor cough cough). The story comes from the Abscam sting that the FBI did back then and the complexity stems from that bizarre case. In general a well executed film with some really good acting.
Is it Oscar material, however? In a different year absolutely not, but since Hollywood seems to have been kicked in the head at the beginning of 2013 and has produced the biggest crop of dross in decades probably. The movie is not without its issues and for the sin of making me look at 138 minutes of hair and clothes that I hate (with the exception of Queen Side Boob) I will detail them.
First off, were the story were not based (somewhat) on real events I would say it was long, unfocused, and wanders back and forth like a drunk meandering down a street of bars looking for a drink after last call before passing out behind some garbage cans (in a lesser film I would have said dying in a pool of his own vomit. See, I’m being fair). A certain amount of leeway is given due to the real nature of the source material, but there were a number of points where I found myself wishing for a fast forward button. SPOILER ALERT Also the big hustle that the movie seemed gearing up for from the beginning turned out to be something the main character cooked up in the last 20 minutes to save his own ass. The film seemed to be leading to some huge Usual Suspects-esque scam and really it all turned out to be the guy taking advantage of a minor mistake made by the FBI.
Second, in an effort to be more like Goodfellas the film has a voice over monolog (something that actually generally annoys me. In film show me don’t tell me. I’m not listening to a book on tape). However in this case it is two different monologs done by Christian Bale and Amy Adams, switching back and forth without warning. The net effect is similar to listening to a couple on the Jerry Springer show start talking in their rational voice about how they each want to sleep with the others mother before the inevitable meltdown and all hell breaks loose. Just when you have forgotten it and are into the story the two of them break in again to jerk you out of your seat.
Thirdly, the original scam that Christian Bale’s character was running seemed so lame and ass backwards that it made the first 1/3rd of the movie seem super fake. Who pays some random guy $5,000 for a loan with no guarantees of any kind (adjusted for inflation that $5 grand is worth today $17,873.39)? I know hustlers are supposed to go after stupid people but there is stupid and then there is dumber than a sack of hammers stupid, and once someone on the screen shows themselves to have their heads so far up their own ass they can smell their breakfast you stop connecting with people. No one wants to see baby seals getting clubbed. This was the only real plot hole in the film and it wasn’t huge, but at the time it sat weird with me like swallowing a golf ball.
Finally, while I appreciate the physical dedication Christian Bale puts into his roles (if you want to see what I’m talking about watch the Machinist) I didn’t need to see shot after shot of his gross pot belly and chest hair. Once the fact that he was out of shape was established let him put a shirt on. (Anorexia image courtesy of the cheap t shirt section and for extra irony is available in up to 7XL)
All that being said this movie is pretty good. It has all the elements that I wish Hollywood would use as a template for future films. Just not the right flavor for me, like a delicious salad made with tons of tomatoes (I don’t like tomatoes), or the super hot girl everyone is horny for but I am not because I used the bathroom after her and she bombed it.
Dammit, I just had my WordPress bomb out and lost about 700 words. I’m going to rush the story recap if you don’t mind. It is the story of hustler Irving Rosenfeld (Christian Bale) and his mistress Sydney Prosser (Amy Adams) and the scams they got into with the FBI. They start off ripping off morons with the dumbest scam ever (seriously Pull My Finger has more credibility) but get caught by FBI agent Richie DiMaso (Bradley Cooper). They agree to help him round up other white collar crimes, starting with New Jersey Mayor Carmine Polito (Jeremy Renner), who is trying to line up funding for the rebuild of Atlantic City. They create a fake Arab Sheik and manage to suck in a bunch of Congressmen and a Senator. They almost get in with the real mafia represented by Robert Di Niro but duck that bullet. Scams are scammed, and in the end you feel like justice was never really done.
The stars.
The cast was amazing and the acting brilliant. Really worth seeing for that if nothing else. Three stars. The story was nicely complicated and managed to engage my brain. Two stars. I managed to care about all the characters on one level or another. This is the sign of a good director. Two stars. While Amy Adams never got naked she sure showed a lot of skin and between her and hottie J-Law (haw!) there was enough eye candy on the screen to almost make up for all the man gut we had to look at. One star. Filming style and sound track (i.e. none for a while and then a great classic rock song) really captured the 70’s feel and was in it’s own way brilliant (I wonder how Christian Bale got along with the DP?). One star. A good movie and worthy of my time. Two stars. Total: eleven stars.
The black holes.
The pacing seemed ploddish and I was feeling every one of those 138 minutes. It honestly could have ended at any time past the 100 minute mark and I would not have been surprised or disappointed. One black hole. If rampant overuse of monologues were one of the signs if the Apocalypse I would advise you to make your peace with God. One black hole. Man gut a gogo. One black hole. That one stupid plot hole kind of spoiled the first 30 minutes. It was just on the bad side of annoying. Not paint drinkingly bad, but maybe vinegar? One black hole. Total: four black holes.
So a grand total of seven stars. Good movie, worth seeing. Just not my cup of tea. For the record normally I would ding a movie like this for making me look at the clothing and hair equivalent of a sucking chest wound but since this film is at least on the short list for some kind of 2013 award I thought I should keep my personal bias out of it. If someone does a more suckstastic 70’s movie I will come down twice as hard. The 70’s sucked. Anyway, see it if you are so inclined. Date movie? Maybe. I don’t know. There was romance but nothing in this film will warm her heart. In fact you end up feeling kind of bad about how it ends. I’d say see it with your snotty Oscar Night watching friends. Bathroom break? The scene of Richie at home is pretty disposable IMO. His mom and fiance appear out of the ether for five minutes and then vanish into the night like a mysterious Spanish gentleman leaving love notes and a rose on your pillow.
Thanks for reading. More to see soon (Grudge Match, you’re on deck). I hope your New Year finds you happy and hale. I sincerely wish all my readers the best in 2014, if only because you are individuals of rare and discriminating taste and therefore need to prosper. If you want to join an even more rarefied strata of society follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Comments on this film or my review can be left here, while off topics and questions can be emailed to [email protected]. Talk to you soon, and have a great Holiday.
Dave
P.S. Normally I just crank out my best of the year right away but this year I am going to pretend to be a real reviewer and see as many of the films that actually came out in 2013 (rather than just the ones I happened to see) so need a few days to catch up. Look for it in a week or so.
