Scary Movie V Movie Review
Stupidly funny.
It’s ironic, since in most cases when I say something is stupidly funny I generally mean it as a criticism with some slightly redeeming qualities. 
Usually movies that are stupidly funny generally are trying to to only be just funny (or in some tragic cases actually serious) but the writers somehow suffer synapse failure and come out with the movie equivalent of Paris Hilton trying to be taken seriously as an actress. It’s funny in the same tragic way watching guys get hit in the nuts on YouTube is funny, but rarely what the creator wanted his or her legacy to be. (Brain Today image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category)
Scary Movie V is rare in that they intended to be stupid, and did so in a way that actually required a lot of intelligence to execute. It takes some real talent to have a audience laughing their asses off at a baby getting accidentally set on fire, or a woman having sex with a vacuum cleaner. Getting people to laugh at something intentionally stupid is actually pretty hard.
That being said, I think there are a few problems with this film, and the main one was I saw it the night before last and am struggling to remember anything about it. A few scenes stick out and I remember laughing quite a bit but if I were required to give more detail than “It was a spoof of a bunch of horror movies. Oh, yeah Charlie Sheen and Lindsey Lohan had a sex scene that was pretty funny” I’d be in trouble. Most of it seems to have wafted through my brain like a fart on a windy day. Good thing I don’t have to write a review or anything.
Oh damn I do. Thank god for Google. Another issue with this movie (and the entire franchise) is that the jokes are really trapped in this moment. I remember seeing one of the previous ones years ago where they made a Callista Flockhart joke that was really funny. The problem is these days who really remembers Callista Flockhart (Ally McBeal)? Even those of us who do (like me. I think she was super hot if you like skinny) the joke just doesn’t pack the same punch any more. A joke about Lindsey getting arrested is funny as hell right now, but five years from now when she has done years of rehab and found Jesus it just won’t be funny. This is why you never saw much demand for Murphy Brown reruns. Political jokes just sound dumb even six months later.
While the actually Scary Movie movies are not timeless, the formula used definitely is. If you have seen any of them and have the wit to plug in jokes about current celebrities you can probably give the new ones a pass. Basically they take a half dozen current horror films and revamp them into something temporarily hilarious. In this case the movies used were Mama, the Evil Dead, Black Swan, and Rise of the Planet of the Apes with some Charlie Sheen, Lindsey Lohan, and Honey Boo Boo thrown in for flavor. If that seems a little shallow in the source material to you than you and I agree. They kept coming back to those four movies like vultures circling four rancid corpses, and like the vultures the movie had to struggle harder and harder to find the edible bits as time passed.
The story is barely present. The entirety of of the film plays out like a series of Saturday Night Live skits spoofing current movies held together with tissue paper and snot. It starts off with Charlie Sheen hooking up with Lindsey Lohan for a wild sex scene that will have you laughing before Charlie is killed by a mysterious figure in black. Charlies three children go missing and are found by Snoop Dogg (I though it was Lion now? He’s credited as Dogg) and Mac Miller. They are taken in and more or less follow the story of Mama, with Simon Rex (Sexy and I Know It, Sperm Donor, Slightly Single in L.A.) as the uncle and Ashley Tisdale (Donnie Darko, High School Musical, Phineas and Ferb) as the punk rock girlfriend. Simon is a researcher at a lab trying to give apes super intelligence (Planet of the Apes) while Ashley is a ballerina trying to do Swan Lake (Black Swan). Turns out the evil ghost was created with an evil book (Evil Dead).
That’s all you really need to know about the story. There isn’t much else.
The stars:
I was honestly laughing a lot during the course of this film, although damned if I know at what specifically. Two stars. Some of the spoofs were pretty clever. One star. I was really surprised at how much I enjoyed Snoop Dogg playing himself in this. Granted the role was of himself as a stoner gangster (not exactly an acting stretch) but I thought he was funny. One star. The rest of the cast understood how to deliver comedy, and there were some recurring jokes that were pretty good. One star. Overall I enjoyed the film and laughed a lot. One star. Total: six stars.
The black holes:
Really forgettable. This time next week I will have a hard time even remembering seeing it. One black hole. If they could have sourced a few more movies, or just chosen a couple that were easier to fit in together it probably would have made for a better film. One black hole. Nothing really by way of a plot. One black hole. Total: three stars.
So three stars. Before I recommend this film you should probably understand that this film is as low brow as they get without being about homeless people boxing each other. It so happens that that sort of humor tickles my funny bone, thus making me kinder in my review of it. If you think films like this are stupid, or have seen one of the other Scary Movie movies and are only curious to see how this one is different you can probably pass. If this sort of thing is funny to you go for it. Date movie? Probably not, unless your date is turned on by apes throwing feces in which case depending on your own disposition you have either found your soul mate or need to run screaming into the night. Bathroom break? Since there is no story to speak of there any time is a fine time. I found the film funniest in the first half and kind of grindy towards the end, so any time past the middle should work out fine.
Thanks for reading. I’m more or less caught up on the movies I care about. Maybe I’ll find something indy or artsy to see tonight. I also have a list idea I am working on for all the sci fi fans out there. Follow me on Twitter @NerdkungFu.com. Comments on this film or my review can be left here, although I get a lot of spam so be sure to mention the name of the movie in the first line or I might delete it. Off topic question or suggestion can be sent to [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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