The Wolverine 3D Movie Review
Better than I expected.
Trailers are a problematic phenomenon in that they either give you the entirety of the film in 30 seconds or leave you wondering what the hell the movie is about. This is an issue I deal with pretty regularly and have come to grips with. The real issue I have with trailers is when I see them over and over again for weeks prior to the film I tend to show up with a preconceived notion about how good or bad the film is.
The best case scenario is one in which the movie more or less matches the quality implied by the trailer. In less optimal situations the people responsible for creating the trailers are really good at their job and like a pedophile luring small children into their vans with candy tend to make the film look way better than the actual reality of the movie going experience. Depending on degree this is the equivalent of going on a date with a hot girl only to find out she just broke up with her boyfriend and was only looking for someone to share the excruciating details of what a jerk he was for hours on end before telling you that she is going to switch to women and besides she thought you were gay anyway (no personal experience used there. I swear).
Once in a while you get the other extreme, where the people responsible for the trailer obviously never bothered to actually watch the film and have been on the hot new “Lead Paint Chip Diet” for the last 35 years. In this case the trailer manages to hang suck all over the film like a legless dog trying to mark its territory. Seeing this film is the equivalent of every porn movie ever written where a guy goes in to do something lame or horrible (root canal, fix a clogged toilet, tax audit) only to find the dentist, homeowner, or bookkeeper is a hot girl who just broke up with her boyfriend and wants to sex up the first Y chromosome she stumbles across in revenge (definitely not delving into personal experience there, damn the luck).
Not to say that the trailers for The Wolverine made the film look bad. Just that it laid the groundwork for some definite suck potential. The idea that a guy with super powers sees it as a curse and wants to lose it is about as dumb as the idea that vampires are kindly sizzle chested man/boys who sparkle in daylight. The trailers managed to inject that idea into my perception of the film with a fire hose, making me secretly dread this movie.
The movie doesn’t actually take that direct approach (again implying that the trailer makers didn’t actually see the film) and instead came through with a decent comic book style film with some pretty cool action and a ton of Hugh Jackman shirtless for those of you into men. That’s not to say this was a great or even good film, 
unless you are comparing it to X-Men Origins Wolverine in which case this movie is the deep fried bacon sushi of film (Deep Fried image courtesy of the Cheap T Shirt category). The film had it’s weaknesses which I will get in to shortly, but overall was an exciting, quality experience.
I will say there were a number of plot holes and logical failure that managed to clog up my enjoyment pipeline a few times. It seems Hollywood feels plot holes are like ants at a picnic; unless you go to exorbitant lengths (in other words, put some effort into your writing) you are going to get them, so let’s just add enough explosions and action to make the cake so big and appealing that the audience doesn’t mind eating a few bugs with the frosting.
This film also suffered immensely under the crushing weight of the PG-13 rating. I know that all the X-Men have gone for this rating, but the fact is Wolverine is in the comic world a brutal, bloody figure and every fight scene felt like a campfire with a wet blanket thrown over it. I’m not going to start a campaign for an R rated Marvel film (Punisher War Zone was rated R and sucked at the box office. I, however, liked it a lot as it stayed true to the character. Frank Castle isn’t the Punisher if he is not punching someone’s eyeball out) but I will say that this film would have made for a better viewing were it not for the need to cater to the freaking kiddie winks (does Hollywood really thing an R rating will keep kids from seeing this film?).
Anyway, the story (lots of spoilers incoming, so SPOILER ALERT). Logan (Hugh Jackman-the Prestige, Z-Men, Les Misérables) is living in a cave in Canada. He is haunted by the death of Jean Grey (Famke Janssen-Golden Eye, X-Men, Taken 2) and has frequent nightmares about her. He also dreams of being at Nagasaki when the bomb went off and saving the life of a young Japanese soldier Yashida (Hal Yamanouchi-the Life Aquatic, Push, the Way Back). He goes into town and mixes it up with some local color before being picked up by a hot chick super ninja Yukio (Rila Fukushima-first real acting role. Hope to see her on more). She tells him that Yoshida wants to see him and thank him before dying.
They fly to Japan where Yoshida is dying, attended by hot blond endocrinologist Viper (not her doctor name, I guess, but that’s how she’s credited. Svetlana Khodchenkova-Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Mala Moskwa, Blagoslovite Zhenshchinu) and his hot daughter Mariko (Tao Okamoto-no other film credits. She is a Japanese super model and it’s easy to see why). Yoshido tells Logan he can “gift” him with mortality and wants his healing properties for himself. Apparently you can’t just copy super powers they have to be transferred. Logan refuses and the next day Yoshido dies.
His son Shingen (Hiroyuki Sanada-the Last Samurai, Twilight Samurai, Rush Hour 3) wants control of the company but Yoshida has left it to Mariko. Logan goes to the funeral where he fights a bunch of Yakuza and rescues Mariko. They flee but are pursued by Viper, the police, the Yakuza, and some ninja guy who used to be childhood friends with Mariko (Will Yun Lee-Total Recall, Die Another Day, Electra). At that point it is a convoluted James Bond plot. Viper is a mutant and wants Logans DNA or something. Shingen wants Mariko dead so he can have the company. Honestly it bogs down pretty heavily until the big “reveal” at the end (which I managed to predict about 40 minutes into the film. Me so smrat!).
The stars.
Comic book movie. Two stars. I am a huge Wolverine fan, and love Hugh Jackman as Logan. He really nailed it again. Two stars. Action was good, especially the bullet train scene. One star. With one exception I liked all the supporting characters and their portrayal by the assorted actors, especially Yukio. Two stars. Camera work and CGI were for the most part excellent. One star. Pacing and editing were dead on. 126 minutes that felt like exactly the right amount. One star. Overall a fun time watching. Two stars. Total: twelve stars.
The black holes.
The villain Viper was the weakest character in the film by a lot. I just couldn’t buy her as anything serious at all, and she barely had the level of menace I normally feel for any hot woman (which is considerable, but not in the same way you want a villain to be menacing). One black hole. While none of the plot holes were gargantuan, they were frequent and annoying. One black hole. I had a hard time discerning the motivation for any of the characters other than Logan to do anything at all. Most of the characters were supposed to be loyal to Yoshida but changed sides so frequently I felt like I needed a score card. One black hole. For all the hot Hugh Jackman shots (he spent a lot of time with his shirt off or in a tight wife beater) there wasn’t much eye candy for the suffering straight men and lesbian women in the audience. The women spent most of the movie dressed like it was the 1800’s and exposing an ankle was enough to send men into a sex frenzy. One black hole. Of all the films I have reviewed this one probably compromised it’s action the most in order to get that precious PG-13 rating. The action felt really unfulfilling. Two black holes. Total: six black holes.
A grand total of six stars. Very good, and like I said better than I expected based on the trailers and last film. I just feel like with a little more effort this could have been a classic X-Men movie instead of just another lead up to the next blockbuster. Worth seeing, and worth spending money for a big screen. Date movie? Hugh Jackman will get any woman’s heart beating. However if your own midriff bears a stronger resemblance to a keg than a six pack you might suffer in comparison. Approach with caution. Bathroom break? Hmm. The quality of the editing doesn’t really leave a lot of dross lying around. There is a love scene in the last half that could be missed, especially given that the you somehow manage to see less of Tao Okamoto than you do when she is fully clothed. Also most of the dream sequences with Jean Grey are kind of repetitive. You could skip one pretty easily.
Thanks for reading. More to see this week. Now that I am back from all my trips I want to get caught up on all the films out there. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. If you have comments on this film or my review feel free to post them here. Off topic questions or suggestions can be sent to [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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